Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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