We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
