I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
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