oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
