shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize