Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
