do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
