dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
