Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
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