just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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