I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize