Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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