I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
