good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
