Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
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