I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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