He is such a slut. More and more my type.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize