Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
