my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
50% drunk capacity currently
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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