Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
