He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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