we have officially mastered the walk of shame
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
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