so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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