do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
