Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
