i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
