My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
