She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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