And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
