Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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