Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
