i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
