Umm I'm too high to move.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Randomize
