I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
