I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
