I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
