Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
