She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
