I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
