I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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