I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
