So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
