dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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