is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
