You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
