i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize