Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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