wanna go halves on a baby?
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
