If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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