Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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