Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
