so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
