God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
