I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
