I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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