I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
