At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
