Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Randomize
