too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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