so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
