I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
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