"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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