He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Randomize
