so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize