Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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