booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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