I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
