Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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