check it out our google latitudes are spooning
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
