We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
