so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
