then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
