My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
i drank out of a bidet.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
