I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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