If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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