thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Randomize
