i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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