Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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