Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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