I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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