Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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