You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
he's gonorrhea incarnate
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
