walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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