apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize