So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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