I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
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