the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
