your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
