I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize