Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
