dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
