I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
