the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
