I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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