he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
