I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
try to milk me bitch
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