So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
