Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
