I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I touched a dick in church today
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
