That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Pants are for mortals
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
