Pregnant stripper...not hot.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
