Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
