Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
